now it is just me

I have sat down to try to write this many times in the past 24hours and each time nothing has really come out but I am sitting down now to try again.

Yesterday I said good-bye to the life I had enjoyed, loved and cherished for these last fifteen months. I will never be sorry for the times I have had with Sean and his family, the experiences and places I have gone. Netball, Slurpees and Cricket are three of the first things that come to mind about the new things Sean and his life showed me.

However, not all good things never end and I realised that whilst I will always love Sean, the love I felt for him now was very different from the love I had felt for the last fifteen months, I no longer saw him as the one I wanted to grow old beside. He was no longer the one for me.

I asked myself so many times, why had my feelings changed so quickly and for that I can offer no rhyme or reason so I did what I knew I had to do. I broke it off with a wonderful guy. I felt terrible doing it, for hurting him and for not been able to offer him a substantial reason other than that it no longer felt right for me.

And now it is just me, no more Sunday cricket adventures. Just me, trying to figure out what I need to do in my life and how to fill my time.

iTunes Meme

The flu is basically gone, I have some minor head aches but all is good 🙂
I saw this on Niki’s blog and thought it looked fun 🙂

How many songs?
4174 songs, 10 Days, 18 Hours, 33 Minutes and 28 seconds total playing time, 15.79 GB (Though this is a rather partial collection, it includes most of my music, some of Matthew’s and some of Karl’s but not all the music of theirs I listen to. As well as a fair bit of crap music I have to get round to deleting).

Sorted by song title, the first and last songs:
’97 Bonnie and Clyde – Tori Amos (none of this Enimen stuff here)
Zoot Suit Riot – Cherry Poppin’ Daddies

Sorted by artist, the first and last songs:
Here without you – 3 Doors Down
Gimme All Your Lovin’ – ZZ Top

Top 10 most-played songs:
(Most played at No. 1)
Hide and Seek – Imogen Heap
The Wind – Cat Stevens
Money (That’s What I Want) – Flying Lizards
My Paper Heart – The All-American Rejects
With or Without You – U2
Bat out of Hell – Meat Loaf
Swing Swing – The All-American Rejects
Sorry – Rooney
Caravan – Rachel Portman
Orange Sky – Alexi Murdoch

Top 10 recently played songs:
(Most recently played at No. 1)
Bang and Blame – REM
Please Me Like You Want To – Ben Harper
9 Times a Day – Xavier Rudd
You were meant for me – Jewel
Night Moves – Bob Seeger
Copperhead Road – Steve Earle
Stuck in a Moment – U2
Bruca Manigua – Buena Vista Social Club
How Do I Deal – Jennifer Love Hewitt
Africa Unite – Bob Marley

Find “sex�; how many songs? 9
Do Ya Think I’m Sexy – N-Trance feat Rod Stewart
Sex Bomb – Tom Jones with Mousse T
Sexual Healing – Ben Harper
Sexual Healing – Marvin Gaye
Sexy – Black Eyed Peas
Sexy Boy – Air
Sexy Thing – Hot Chocolate
Sexyplexy – Jack Johnson
So Unsexy – Alanis Morissette

Find “death�; how many songs? 6
Death Defy – Motor Ace
A Lack of Colour – Death Cab For Cutie
All is Full of Love – Death Cab For Cutie
Expo ’86 – Death Cab For Cutie
Lightness – Death Cab For Cutie
The New Year – Death Cab For Cutie

Find “love�; how many songs?
Global Search — 215
Song title Search — 117
(5 most played songs)
I’d Do Anything For Love – Meat Loaf
Pride in the name of Love – U2
Love Song – Amiel
Where is the Love – Black Eyed Peas
What the World Needs Now is Love – Burt Bacharach

Find “peace�; how many songs? 3
Peace – Norah Jones
Peace Train – Cat Stevens
Love and Peace or Else – U2

Find “rain�; how many songs?
Global/Song title Search — 52
(5 most played songs)
Crying in the Rain – Carole King
The Beauty of the Rain – Dar Williams
Over the Rainbow – Eva Cassidy
Downtown – Brainstorm
Just a Walking in the Rain – Johnnie Ray

Find “sun�; how many songs?
Global/Song title Search — 84
(5 most played songs)
Sun Street – Katrina and the Waves
Hello Sunshine – Super Furry Animals
Island in the Sun – Weezer
Sunshine on my Shoulders – John Denver
Sunny Ray – Mambo All-Stars

silly flu.

Well, I have the Flu not the fake flu which people say they have when all they actually have is a cold, I have the whole shebang, hot and cold swings, aches in the joints, very sore eyes etc and that all comes and goes at the day progresses – fine when the sun is shining but just awful when the sun goes to bed.

Sleep is awful as I can’t stay in one position too long as my bones get sore, have to have the quilt over my face so no light gets in and then I am ripping my covers off and pulling them back on as I get hot and cold. Blah Blah, makes me feel awful at night.

I hadn’t really thought anything of it, just thought I was a bit crook, however this morning I got up to grab some pain killers to try to get my temp and headache down a bit when I collapsed and passed out in Mum’s arms when she was giving me a hug, apparently I just flopped like a rag doll and my eyes rolled back – quite scary she said.

She lay me down on the floor, wrapped me with my quilts and called the ambulance, they arrived shortly after and said it sounds and looks just like the flu but since my blood pressure was very, very low. My systolic pressure, laying down was 70 as in it was 70 over something even lower, they didn’t measure the diastolic as they get enough info about the patient from the systolic. By the time I got out to the stretcher and in the ambulance my systolic was up to 100 which was much more healthy.

Got to the hospital, yeah you have the flu, nothing we can do other than to test your haemoglobin to make sure it is fine (yep 140), check your blood pressure sitting and laying down (yep all fine and no change in them) and whilst we wait for the blood results may as well pump some saline into you to give you a bit of an energy boost.

All fine now except for the aching eyes that don’t go away and approaching night where the saga will start again. So much fun but at least I got to ride in an Ambulance 🙂

what a weekend

Peter ad Simone Friday night saw Sean’s littlest brother, Peter attend his highschool formal at Snug Harbour. He went with a girl from work who as you can see in the picture was wearing the most devine red dress.
Formal dresses sure have changed a lot in the three years since I had my formal, my favourite dress however was a simple tea length, empire, strapless pink dress that was so utterly simple and sweet it was gorgeous. Karen and I had fun scooping out the dresses and commenting 🙂 After the pre drinks for the parents were over Sean, his parents and I headed out to dinner at local deli-cafe a yummy dinner where I had the most gorgeous chicken risotto.

super sam helen and sam Sam and Cake

Saturday, my best uni bud Sam turned 20, so Sean and I headed over to her place for a celebration, in which Sean was the only guy as Cory had piked on us, I demonstrated my uncanny ability to navigate my way through the waterfall cardmaze numerous times in a row (a fun game that involves cards laid face down in a 1-2-3-4-3-2-1 pattern, where the player has to go from one end to the other stopping on each level once and not landing on a face card, if a face card is landed on, new cards are delt over the failed route and the player has to take a drink). Sam donning her Super Sam costume that was given to her with a list of rules for what she must do on her birthday night out. A very nice cake with a Care Bear candle finished the night off.

Mick and Sean scoring Sunday, saw the Giant Killers play The Cricket Team in the Warehouse C2 south cricket semi-final and I am extremely pleased to say that the Giant Killers won, beating a team that has been undefeated the entire season and has regulary walloped the oposing team very well. Sean may be providing his first cricket report on wednesday if the stats are up on the website.

new books but old friends

Borders is always so good to me and today was one of those days, as it was the final day of the 20% off promotion for students and teachers that they have two or three times a year and the best part? Getting the voucher that gives you 25% off one item next week and I also have a 15% ISTC voucher on my desk as well 🙂

new books, old friends. Buying those books that I have borrowed from the library time and time again.
Spice Notes by Ian Hemphill. The herb and spice bible, when I get to Sydney in the near future I am making a stop at the Herbie shop 🙂

The Journey is the Destination by Dan Eldon This book pushed me to where I am now scrapbooking it showed me a whole new world in doccumentation.

What new books or old friends have you picked up recently?

Pabbi.

ETA, well he just went to the doctor here and has an order for blood tests in two weeks once his body has settled down from the trip. Our doctor is certain it is all just a result of dehydration, so that is good to hear.

There is something wrong with my dad, what we don’t know for sure yet his blood sugar levels have been very high – round the 14 mmol/L in London, will get tested again in two weeks.

Yesterday evening I received this email from Mum.

Dear Helen,

Please try to make an appointment with Howard Ryan for Pabbi on Friday morning – just get into my diary and see it doesn’t clash with my dentist appointment.

Pabbi is ok now but he spent 8 hours in hospital yesterday – we got on the plane by the skin of our teeth. He has had trouble with high blood sugar and dehydration. I am very glad yesterday is over. He has slept a fair bit of the flight from London. He managed to crack a rib in all this.

See you sometime Thurs,

Love Mum

As I have a uni class on Thursday mornings, they were going to get a taxi from the airport home, however after reading this email I decided it would be best for me to pick them up. I actually ran into a girl from school who was picking up Steve Towson who was on the same flight my parents were on.

After a while waiting my parents came through the gate, Mum pushing the trolley and Pabbi walking slowly behind her. Straight away I asked what the hell had happened, Mum simply broke down in tears and gave me a hug and said that she would tell me everything when we got home.

Pabbi arrived in London on Monday evening and checked into the youth hostel they were staying at, Mum was out seeing Mary Poppins with her sisters and niece. This hostel still had single sex dorms, so mum did not see Pabbi when she got home from the musical. In the morning one of the ladies in her dorm, asked her if she was Ruth Palsson, there was a message at reception for her, when she got there she was told she had to go see her husband as he was unwell. Mum says this was an understatement, he had cuts and dried blood over his chest and head.

It seems that somewhere round 3 that morning, he had gone to the toilet and collapsed, managing to make a mess of himself in the process. He was unable to stand up and been the man he is, he didn’t try calling for help and somehow managed to get back to his dorm, where instead of waking one of the men up in his dorm for help. He got into bed and waited till one of them woke up to ask for help. This meant that he didn’t receive treatment for about 3hrs later when Mum found out round 8am.

Shortly after that, an Ambulance took him to the same hospital where Cherie Blair had her latest baby, where he underwent numerous tests and was placed in the observation ward. His blood sugar level at this time was 14mmol/L – very high. After those results came back they did an arterial blood test to check something with his severe dehydration (partially his own fault due to his ways of needing to be at places as soon as possible and not asking people for help)

They put him on a drip to receive 1L of liquids over 4hrs to help his body out, at the end of this he had another blood test to see if his condition had improved – it had slightly (his blood sugar level was down to 8mmol/L). During this time Mum had rang the airline to see when other possible flights were, the next available flight wouldn’t be till Friday night which would mean another 3 days in London) knowing this the doctor allowed him to get on the flight home.

Of course Pabbi is Pabbi so during this time he was stressing something chronic about making the flight etc etc.

Now he is tucked up in bed, waiting till the appointment with our family doc in 3hrs.