12 days ago

This post has been coming for 12 days. 12 long days. For the last 12 days I have thought about what I was going to type. Each day was variations of the same theme. Change, loss and the future.

13 days ago, I was looking forward to the weekend. I had all sorts of things planned, none of which I can remember now.

Pabbi

12 days ago, my father died. My father, Paul Palsson, dead. He died from an abdominal aortic aneurysm. In the morning when Mum and Matthew left he was alive. By the time Matthew had arrived home from work later that morning, he was not at home. The neighbours saw Pabbi walk into the ambulance. The hospital called, “your father is in a bad way, please come up”. When he got up there Pabbi was gone. After sorting out things at the hospital, Matthew called me. I didn’t believe him. Then I listened to what he was saying. Pabbi was dead.

12 days ago, I drove over to the house in total hysterics. At some stage, I bit my hand in an effort to calm down.

12 days ago, Mum was out bush walking. The bad weather meant they came home early. When I heard Mum open the door, I rushed at her and cried.

12 days ago, I stood beside my mother in a dimly lit room at the hospital, and “viewed” my father. He had no false teeth in, his wedding band was not on his right ring finger. His eyebrows were bushy. His hair was that weird silvery red blonde colour. He was cold but he was my father and he was on a trolley in front of me.

12 days ago, I was in shock. My father was 66 years old when he died. I am 24. There was so much more I had imagined I would share with him.

12 days ago, I sat at the kitchen table with Mum and Matthew and started typing. Typing the words which would form the frame of the eulogy I would give.

11 days ago, I sat across the kitchen table from my Mother and met a funeral director. A man, who was straight down the line and listened to our thoughts and requests. We cleaned. We went to the farm.

10 days ago, I went to work. My mind was in a hundred and one different places at once. I left work and realised that I wouldn’t be going back to work this week. I got home, packed a few bags and went home to the family.

9 days ago, I didn’t go to work. I visited the travel agent with Mum and booked flights. Pabbi and Mum were going to Iceland on June 12. Now Mum and I are going to Iceland on June 15. Margaret and Reg arrived from Tasmania.

8 days ago, Karl and Erica arrived from Iceland. Susan arrived from New Zealand. We finalised the details. Music was confirmed and food was cooked.

7 days ago, we had a funeral. We said our farewells, I read the eulogy. We ate, we talked and more. That night we visited Matthew’s laser lab and learnt all sorts of things about quantum. Erica went back to Iceland to continue her holiday.

Pabbi and our memories, 320/365

6 days ago, I went to the orthodontist and had a bracket repositioned. We went to the farm for dinner and had Susan’s chocolate self-saucing pudding for dessert.

5 days ago, I had apple cake and ice-cream for breakfast. We cleaned, sorted and made stacks. I had dinner out with a friend and her family and then went to see Where the Heart Is by Expressions DC. The dancing and music was powerful.

4 days ago, we went through slides, cleaned, sorted and more. Karl flew home to Iceland, I went home to my place. My home felt so strange after a week with my family.

3 days ago, I went back to work. I went to SES. I brought my flowers home to my place. Ever since, my room has been filled with the scent of lilies.

2 days ago, I sobbed as I ate my breakfast. Work was work and then I went out to dinner at Jellyfish for a birthday of a friend and had the most amazing meal. The fish, the wine, the dessert, all just amazing.

1 day ago, I realised that keeping busy does keep your mind off the matter but as soon as you stop and take a moment, it can hit you. The time between when you turn off the light and when you fall asleep is filled with thoughts. Unlike 12 days ago, 11 days ago and the like, sleep is no longer so broken. My mind happily stays focused for the most part.

Today, I’ve found some words to type.

Tomorrow, I’ll go to work and then it is the long weekend. A long weekend which will see me packing and planning for Iceland.

Life goes on, differently each day. Time will change things and time will heal things.

Lillies and Chrissies

Pas de Quatre

Slippers, 314/365
Slippers, 314/365

Tonight at ballet we learned the one of the steps from the dance below. We had a cracker time in our groups of four firstly getting our arms crossed correctly and then of course moving at the same speed. It was one of the most enjoyable routines I’ve done so far.

What made it even more special was the fact that on Friday last week I watched the Royal Ballet’s 2009 production of Swan Lake as part of the film festival that QPAC presented. Sigh. I think I could watch that over and over again.

tea and fruit

Afternoon tea, 313/365

16:28
Most days of the week I would still be at work at this time.
Not today.
Today is the one day a fortnight I have off.
I work an extra fifty minutes a day to have a day like today off.
One day a fortnight.
Once every four weeks it is a Wednesday like today.
Once every four weeks it is a Friday like it will be in two weeks time.

Today was a home day.
The morning was breakfast and the paper.
The day was some cleaning, some planning, some reading.

Lunch was a salad.
A salad I liked so much I will make it for lunch tomorrow.
And a slice of cake. This cake.
So very easy and will be made many times again.

Afternoon tea.
A mandarin and a pot of tea.
Creme Brulee from T2.
Just the right tea for 16:28
313/365.

This is where I am

296/365.
swoon a new deck table, 296/365

On the deck, sitting at the new to our house table. With my laptop (obviously), a pot of of florally sencha and some grapes. This table is the perfect height. I found the old table a bit too high to type/sit comfortably at. This table will also be great for cutting fabric on as well 🙂 yay.

I can hear a faint din of traffic on Corro drive, the whistles and cheers from the basketball stadium and the sounds of feet fall as people walk through the park.

Today is day 299 for my 365 project. It seems like I’ve been doing this for ages now. Today also marks 292 days till I go to Japan next year with one of the girls. I’m so excited about that trip. We will be away from March 1 to March 15 and will be flying in and out of Osaka. I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am. Oh all the places to explore and visit as well as crafty and cute things to peruse.

Lunch on Lawson's, 299/365

We got a free lunch today from Lawson’s who are running a Lunch on Lawson’s promo across the country this month. We will also be having a free lunch tomorrow and on Friday as well. Today our sandwich came from e’cco and was just amazing. Somehow I’ve a feeling that our sandwiches tomorrow and Friday will also be amazing. Registrations for tomorrow in Brisbane have closed but are still open for Friday. My entire department will be having sandwiches on Friday as they were all quite taken with our lunch today. If you are in Brisbane and would like a yummy free lunch on Friday, register now! If you are in Sydney or Melbourne, Lawson’s is coming to your town later this month.

And on a different note to finish off with. I’m going back to Uni!! I’ve been thinking about it for the last 18mths or so and bit the bullet a few months ago and put my application in for the Semester 2 intake.

I was very excited when I came home last week to this email.

Dear Helen Palsson,
You have been made an offer in the latest QTAC offer round.

When I logged in to to QTAC I saw this.

In the 6 May offer round you have been offered:
413021 Bachelor of Business – full-time or part-time – Queensland University of Technology, Gardens Point Campus
Start Month: July 2010
You have firmly accepted this offer and you will not be considered in any further offer rounds.

and tonight I saw this

Dear HELEN
Congratulations on receiving your offer to study at the Queensland University of Technology (QUT). I hope that you are excited about starting your study at QUT, as becoming part of the university for the real world couldn’t be easier.

Here is to brain stimulation and increased career prospects long-term.

1, 2 ,3 ,4.

Yep, a while has passed hasn’t it?

Today is Saturday, I love Saturdays. In particular the day time, it is always just a fantastic day to get a lot of things or not much done or of course everything in between.

I’ve just got back from visiting Grandad, he has developed a bit of a cough which is no fun but I would say that that is pretty much the norm at the 10 day mark judging on previous stays. He should be going home on Wednesday which will be great for him, particularly in terms of the ability to get some fresh outdoors air. Got plenty more crochet done, I only have two balls left of the Noro Taiyo that I am using for my blanket. Will have to get some more pretty quickly.

Saturday Morning, 287/365
Saturday Morning, 287/365
I read the Saturday paper in two parts. I read everything bar the magazine, travel and entertainment sections and I save them for Sunday morning.

Sunset Service, 286/365
Sunset Service, 286/365
Yesterday, there was a sunset memorial service in ANZAC Square. Not sure yet what it was in aid of as I can’t find anything on it in the usual sources.

Perfect Landing, 285/365
Perfect Landing, 285/365
Thank you newspaper delivery person for getting the paper perfectly on the steps 🙂 Oh Thank you so much! Most mornings as I walk out the door to work, I survey the front yard to see where the paper has ended up this time. Typically it goes “through” the steps into the garden beneath the steps. If I’m lucky it is on the path but I was super lucky on Thursday morning.

10:19, 284/365
10:19, 284/365
ahh a mid-week day off, taken from my desk looking out to the kitchen and the Mag-Blok on the VJs.

Art in the corridor, 283/365
Art in the corridor, 283/365
Grandad has now been in hospital for a week now, so I’ve been spending a fair bit of time up there -> getting a lot of crochet done, going through a ball every two days.

Toowong War Memorial, 282/365
Toowong War Memorial, 282/365
The day after, the memories are not forgotten.

New suit, 281/365
New suit, 281/365
Herringbone had a fantastic clearance sale in Brisbane the other week and I picked up this most gorgeous suit. It’s called Busby. This is the jacket and this is the pants. I called the store front the next day to see if I could source a matching skirt … unfortunately the design is a season or two ago so no skirt for me :(. In addition to the suit, I also picked up two shirts, a gorgeous cashmere jumper and a belt.

Art in Ipswich, 280/365
Art in Ipswich, 280/365
The Ipswich Art Gallery is a little gem. It is small, it only really has one exhibit space but boy they get some fantastic exhibits.

Vespa choice, 279/36
Vespa choice, 279/365
If I ever had a Vespa, it would have to be in Sienna. That almond ivory colour is just pefect though I think a brown seat would be much much nicer than the black.

Le Bon Choix present
Le Bon Choix present
Almond Croissant with a cup of Autumn Spice tea. A Friday present from my desk buddy.

Fine Lines, 278/365
fine lines, 278/365
Taking a detour via the valley on the way home

Back to the Wesley, 277/365
Back to the Wesley, 277/365
Grandad went back to hospital today for his next round of skin grafts. I am extremely lucky that I live a 2 min walk from the hospital which makes it very easy to visit

Easter Presents, 276/365
Easter Presents, 276/365
I celebrated Easter a few weeks late this year. A Chocolate Crackle base with condensed milk and coconut grass and a handful of eggs all bagged up in a pretty bag with a label.

And that is the last ten days 🙂

I take in my surroundings aka seeing The Mountain Goats for the fifth time

How is that for a title?
Last Sunday night, I went to something incredible. The Mountain Goats were back in town to deliver a concert that was promised at the last show in 2008. This was to be an epic show delivered to those of us who endured but loved the December 2008 show which saw the crowd and Peter Peter Hughes singing most of the songs because John Darnielle was too ill to sing.

(267/365)
Oh John Darnielle you delivered your promise, 267/365

I was quite a fan girl and wore my Babylon Springs tour t-shirt which I re-fashioned a few hours earlier so it now had more of a boat neck and shorter sleeves – way more comfy then it was originally and a lot less neck strangling now by said shirt. The old tour shirt coupled with my front row spot in front and just a bit to the left of PPH would yet again cement me as the fan girl that I am. It was my fifth show. I thought it was my only fourth but then I went through tour date archives and yep last Sunday was show #5 for me. By far, the most times I have seen an international act.

The support act was Crayon Fields. I don’t know what really to say about them but I am sure there could have been a better support act picked. I didn’t mind a few of the songs but I don’t think I would be rushing out to see them again.

And really the crowd was here to hear and see the promised Holy Grail. To which after playing the first song, we get the obligatory, “Hi, we’re the Mountain Goats” and then this, “Ladies and gentlemen of Brisbane, I owe you one and you’re about to get it”. Big exceptions were held by a few people I spoke to in the crowd. I however, learnt some time ago even if something big is promised to you, not to expect 200% as your hopes will be dashed if you only get 150%. I was expecting a long show with lots of old favourites, some obscure ones, some new things and talking and story telling. I had a list of some songs I expected to be on the set list on my head and I got the majority of those songs on my wishful set list. I got my 199%. I was quite happy.

I had a few observations on the crowd though. The crowd seemed to be a lot younger this time than last. I remember the last few shows I would say I felt like I was one of the younger people there, this time though I would say half the crowd looked like they were between 18-21 and not the 25-35 I remember last time. There didn’t seem to be quite the same buzz in the crowd, the sing-a-longs were a lot quieter than I recall. Maybe I’m just recalling my younger days too fondly.

I did have a gripe with a fellow crowd member and I was “oh, this close” to turning to her and telling her to close her mouth. Now I have no problem whatsoever with people singing along when it is a sing-a-long song like say This Year or Going to Georgia but singing along to songs when no one else in the crowd is and for those round you, your singing is louder than JD’s, yeah I have a problem with that.

Back to the topic at hand and that is music, Mountain Goats music, those magic words with that magic music that makes all those other things fall away into the beer stained floor boards.

What wondrous words were spoken/sung/shouted you ask? Well following is the titles of those songs.

1 Samuel 15:23
Old College Try
Cotton
Your Belgian Things
Letter From Belgium
Dance Music
The Day the Aliens Came
Color In Your Cheeks
The Monkey Song
From TG&Y
Matthew 25:21
Genesis 30:3
Enoch 18:14
Deuteronomy 2:10
Lion’s Teeth
Quito
Going to Georgia
This Year

Encore:
Ezekiel 7 And The Permanent Efficacy Of Grace
No Children
Houseguest (Nothing Painted Blue cover)

If you know me extremely well or have listened and actually really listened to me babble on about the Mountain Goats at one point or another which in my mental tally probably equates to probably zero people. You will see one song in that set which might make you smile at the thought that Helen would have really loved finally seeing that song live.

That song would be The Monkey Song and the most remarkable thing about seeing that song live, is that I requested it and JD picked my request….. Oh yeah my request, I say. I must actually confess that it was my second request as JD vetoed my first request of The Sign. He was telling us a tale of a concert he had gone to when he was 7 or thereabouts and the singer had asked everyone to yell out requests and he would pick one. JD to this day wants to know if he actually heard a song and picked one or just picked one himself. During this the entire crowd were yelling songs. Then there was a moment of silence and JD leaned over to where I was standing and asked what song I wanted. I bashfully asked for The Sign and he said something along the lines of “no, something else?” Then I said “The Monkey Song”, he said “what?” then I said “Monkey in the Basement”. He stood up and presented us with the below little piece of magic which someone else every so kindly recorded and put on youtube.

I didn’t get a tour shirt as I had planned because it was black. I don’t like black t-shirts, I have one black t-shirt and that is my Breeders t-shirt because frankly it was the only thing on offer. The shirt was pretty cool and you can see a picture of it here if you care (I love the added post-it notes)

I did however get a poster. (268/365)
The Mountain Goats, 268/365

Do you know how many concerts I’ve been to at The Zoo and failed at getting a poster? Many, many times, this is the only poster I’ve managed to score and it currently is blu-tacked to the wall above my bed quite happily reminding me of all my past tMG memories.

Till next time, I enjoy the Mountain Goats on the stage at The Zoo (because frankly that is their Brisbane stomping ground though a Troubie show would be kinda cool). I leave you with this. If you were at the show, you will get a laugh and know what this means, if you weren’t well just enjoy it for what it is and enjoy it for what it isn’t